The Five Heartbreaks…

28 Jul
kentara
Having so many heartbreaks is probably one of the main reasons I decided to give my life to Christ. Period.
I’m not ashamed to say that it was not by some strong physical or spiritual force, or an individual Bible verse that changed my heart. Plain and simple I was tired of being hurt, used and disrespected by men, I couldn’t take it anymore, and if you ever had your heartbroken before, you know the feeling, its like your ENTIRE body aches….
Ached when “he” called and said he was engaged and getting married to another woman. “Wait, what?! Aren’t we currently dating?”
 Ached when “he” had a child with someone else.
Ached when the day after “he” broke up with me, his ex-fiancee was on the scene looking like not a day has gone by since their last encounter.
I could feel my heart becoming tatted, torn and  turning an ugly shade of purple and black but  my solution to this heartbreak diagnosis wasn’t to give up dating completely, (of course not, why would I do that? A man was one of my greatest treasures to posses!!!!). No. My solution was just to find another man who I “thought” would make me feel better until the wounds from  Dudes A-Z healed. If you’ve been there, I know you can relate but he problem is, it just never measures up…well at least for me, it didn’t..
 We were meant to be completed by God and God alone. The desire to be loved and wanted isn’t a sin. It is how God wired and programmed us, but we are meant to fill that hole up with the love of our Lord and Savior Christ who earnestly wants you to fall in love with him. Him 1st! Having a husband is biblical and if it is ordained by God, favor from Him is doused over your relationship. Sex is the gift that says God isn’t a prude but He wants us to wait on Him. I believe its worth it, and although I haven’t experienced it myself yet, I am seeing it in action right now through my sisters in Christ and watching their relationships with the opposite sex flourish. God’s way works, don’t be fooled by “Hollywood”, His “Holy word” truly outlines love in the most romantic way you can dream of.
 
But back to me…
I remember crying at the altar one Sunday after an encounter with the Holy Spirit and hearing a sermon entitled “The Way God Sees Us”.. I said to God in that moment of desperation. “I vow to you, if you heal me, if you heal these wounds, I will give my life and body to you as a living sacrifice”. I was determined to see this vow through… (sounds pretty good and spiritual right?
But there was one problem… MY FLESH and my selfishness..
I sinned after this in a way that broke my heart. I thought during the healing process, me. my exes and boos could still be friends. I would still go to church on Friday nights for our Young Adult Ministry, but pack a bag and go to Dude E house for a sleep over. I stated to him clearly that we wasn’t going to be having any sex as I flashed my celibacy ring in his face, and although he told me he had needs and he wasn’t going to ignore him, I continued to be around him. (I will go more in depth about Christians women mixing with unbelievers at another time) but this was my BIG mistake. Once you have a standard, just know that it comes with a major commitment..  Of course he wasn’t going to take my demands for not having sex seriously… I myself wasn’t taking them seriously. I was up in his bed with lingerie talking about “I am saved and I aint having sex”…. but of course.. we ended up having sex!!
My heart broke. It hurt so bad, The disappointment I felt is indescribable. I knew in that moment that this could never happen again. I needed to give this Christian life my FULL heart or nothing at all.  Ya see, the thing about sin is this, if you keep at it, there will come a day where you no longer feel convicted about it. Your heart becomes hardened to God and His word.  If I would have continued to have sex, the conviction of the Holy Spirit would have started to fade. I was going to now deliberately turn my face away from God.  I probably would of been in the same positions I was in before I cried at the altar… I knew  that I couldn’t let sin deceive me. Not again…
 Remember, your walk with the Lord is ALL or nothing.
Matthew 16:24 (NLT) ” If any of you want to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross and follow me”
Matthew 7:13-14 ” The highway to hell is broad and its gate is wide for many who choose that way, but the gateway to life is very narrow and the ONLY A FEW ever find it”.
Jesus for real, only a few???
Christianity is an everyday walk, it isn’t a sprint to the finish line.  It took me months to really lay down my bad habits like drinking excessively when I had a bad day, watching pornography whenever I was aroused or bored, keeping in contact with Tim, Don and Henry whenever I got lonely, gossiping with friends, being over critical (the Lord is still working with me in this area), cursing and most importantly my purity.  It wasn’t all deliberate. I just let the Holy Spirit over time do its job to transform me.
Lets be real, the process wasn’t pretty. I cried and cried some nights about my relationships, and being alone. I hated the weekends! Even my female friendships was a MESS. I was friendless and manless. It was rough. But to be honest it still isn’t always pretty. It can be difficult sometimes to watch everyone around you have someone and be all in love and you’re just standing around like a square, or so it seems.
 It can hurt.
But those are feelings. Feelings are temporary and fleeting. I had to learn that if I prayed to Jesus to heal me, then obviously I have a faith in him, therefore I needed to apply that same faith to believe what He said in His word about finding the gates of heaven. I wanted to be apart of few that find His gate no matter how rough it was getting there.  I had to believe ALL of what the Bible said or believe nothing that the bible said. Its simple.
I prayed for friends and He blessed me in that area in ways greater than I could of  dreamed. We aren’t perfect, but I can say I never knew friendship could be this beautiful. I sometimes cry, because I am humbled by their love.  But even in all that, it STILL  takes WORK and faith in Him..
Honestly, the journey gets difficult and the process was downright hard..There were many lonely nights and tear stained pillows but I can honestly sit here and say that I’ve come to really love and value myself. I’ve come to realize that I am worth too much to let anyone undo the work and transformation that He has already DONE.. I found true love in Him.. How can I ever look back??
If you are hurting or in despair for any reason (not just because of men) but for any reason AT ALL, I encourage you to lean on God for strength no matter how you FEEL. Take your frustrations to Him. I know through EXPERIENCE that He is the best seamstress I have ever met. He has knit my heart back together and I am never looking back, I am picking up my cross with my eyes fixated on him, even through the tears, fighting the lures of sin everyday.. and  I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that when I receive my crown it will ALL be worth it.  Have faith in it! 
I pray you be blessed. 
Ken.

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A Kings Love Convo’s – “Inner WOman”

18 Jul

Check out this episode of “A Kings Love Convo” where I discuss the importance of getting our HEARTS right BEFORE our appearance as well as why things like “hair”, “makeup” and “jewelery” have no merit or DEMERIT when it comes to our salvation and relationship with Christ! Love ya ladies!!!

 

Why You Can’t Afford To Be Single And Salty…

16 Jun

salt

I don’t have many regrets. I’m a firm believer in the fact that everything I’ve been through (the good, the bad, and the ugly) was ALL worth it simply because it made me who I’m today…But there is one regret that I do have..

I regret wasting so much time being bitter about being single and worrying about who I’m gonna marry, rather than spending that time being content in Jesus, and SERVING LIKE CRAZY.

Thank God, it isn’t too late and I finally got a grip but all that worry and “saltiness about my singleness” has caused me to be so passionate about us women not sitting around waiting for our “Adam” to wake up or our “Boaz” to come through on a white horse and whisk us away into in the sunset. I had to come to a realization that when I die, God isn’t going to ask me about the ring on my finger… He’s going to ask me about HOW I treated and submitted to the man who put it there.. He’s going to ask me about my heart. He’s going to ask me about how I loved those around me (friends, family, and strangers). He’s going to ask me about who I discipled here on this earth and did I help bring them to Christ. He’s going to ask me about what I did with all of the gifts, talents, and resources He’s  given me. He’s going to ask about me about my submission to the holy spirit  what I did for Him here on this earth to bring glory to His name..

In the end, when your time here on this earth is up, that’s ALL that’s gonna matter..

Unfortunately, we’re caught up. Many of us are caught up in seeking Jesus for a husband as opposed to just seeking Jesus for who He is and what He’s done. Continue reading

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A KIngs Love Convos Webisodes! (Watch First Episode)

18 Apr

Hey loves! So if you follow me on FB, you already probably know about this new web series that I’ve been working on called ” A Kings Love Convos”. Its basically a show to promote the love of Christ and help women (including myself) give a practical understanding of the word of God, and how it applies to everyday life circumstances! Im super duper excited for it to finally be out!! (It took forever lol) New episodes will be up every MONDAY AT 7:30PM.. So subscribe, like, share, all that good stuff! love yall! xox

Here’s the first episode on “Heart Surgery”— What God does to you when you ask Him to come into your heart and truly surrender your life to Him.. “You can debate my testimony but you cant debate my theology”- xox

Who Or What Are You Bowing Down To?

26 Mar

Who or What Do You Bow Down to

 

Your child has been kidnapped. You’re devastated and heartbroken. You’re literally willing to give the BEST you have to save them including your life savings. You’re even willing to trade places and die for them… Your kid has been found and saved but when he/she got home, they decided to run away and go back to their kidnappers… How heartbroken, confused and bewildered would you be?? That’s what it’s like when we choose to RUN to things that enslave us after God gave HIS ALL to free us. That’s what its like when we make IDOLS out of “things” or “people” and as a result put ourselves back in bondage.

So what’s an idol?? ANYTHING or ANYONE that you look to for fulfillment and gratification OTHER than God. Anything or ANYONE that has more say so in your daily decision making process other than Jesus…

“Idolatry” is usually one of those sins that we kinda just sweep under the rug and not really pay much attention to. Lately God has seriously been showing me some “idols” in my life that I never considered to be a problem. Please be mindful, that you can turn ANYTHING into an idol.. Even good Godly things like marriage, relationships or even ministry…

God had to show me how much I’ve been making an idol out of SOCIAL MEDIA. Yes, He had to show me that I was trading in the presence of God for the presence of nonsense on my timelines. I would wake up in the morning and the first thing I did, WAS NOT praise Him for waking me up another day, it was checking my Facebook and Instagram..  I would stop in the middle of prayer or bible reading when my phone went off, JUST to check a message. Before I went to bed, I wasn’t praying and pouring all my cares out onto Him for that day, instead I was scrolling my newsfeed and stalking folks. (don’t front, we all have done it at one point or another lol) The point is, my social media accounts DICTATED my actions. I could of easily justified it which is tried to, by saying how much I use social media to minister to people which I do.. But the bottom line is that I was spending WAY more time on Facebook than in the word of God ..

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Bootleg Christianity…

24 Jan

Bootleg Christianity

 

DISCLAIMER: I do not claim to be perfect or claim to be the “spiritual police”.. but I do love Jesus and love people. Please know that everything that I’m saying is from a place of LOVE and genuine desire for us Christians to be living this thing for real and not just playing “church” because it looks good. Honestly, I’ve come to a place where my biggest fear isn’t death. It isn’t dying single. It isn’t getting sick… One of my biggest fears is going to church FAITHFULLY, serving in a ton of ministries thinking that Im doing all this stuff for God, only to die and get to heaven to hear God say “Depart from me, for I never knew you”… all because I was doing all this “stuff” but my heart was so far from Him….

God has been laying this on my heart so heavily these past few weeks. God is not stupid. He didn’t birth us.. He CREATED us, meaning He knows us better than we know ourselves. He knows if we’re sincere or not. He knows our thoughts before we even form them.. I mean, HELLO! He’s God. So why is it that we think that we could get away with claiming how much we love and cherish Him. while our LIFESTYLES tell a COMPLETELY different story? How is it that we really think God cares about our perfect church attendance, while our heart is corrupt and we live like He doesn’t even exist on monday through saturday? How is that we see absolutely NOTHING wrong with singing Gods praises at the 12 o’clock service, but then cursing someone out in the parking lot once service lets out?? We no longer feel convicted about living double lives. We no longer feel convicted about sleeping around with people who aren’t our spouse. We no longer feel convicted about gossiping and talking about folks… we just sweep it all under the rug of “God knows my heart”…..

Going to church doesn’t make us  Christians. It simply makes us church-goers. Believing in Jesus and striving to be CHRIST-LIKE through the holy spirit does…
Its almost a “trend” to post scriptures on our Facebook page and create cute little pictures about God and His word, but are we really about that life?? And no, I AM NOT JUDGING YOU. Its not my place to but we are called to lovingly speak the truth… and the truth is that for many of us our “Christian” faith is limited to lip service. Words mean NOTHING if our hearts and our lifestyles are not matching up with what we profess.. “If you love me, obey my commandments.- John 14:15  When you produce much fruit, you are my true disciples. This brings great glory to my Father.- John 15:8 ... So what Jesus is basically saying, is if YOU REALLY love me like YOU say you do and you are REALLY MY FOLLOWER, your LIFE and YOUR ACTIONS will show it…

If you’re life looks EXACTLY the same AFTER you get saved as it did BEFORE you got saved then something is wrong. “Anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person: the old life is gone, a new life has begun”-1Corinthians 5:17.. See Jesus DIED for our sins and was raised to LIFE so that we too can be raised to LIFE. Meaning, once Jesus truly comes into your heart, He begins to change you, more and more into His image. He literally changes you from the inside out…. So for NOTHING to change AFTER we claim to “get saved” is to say that Jesus doesn’t work….

Does this mean that we get saved and become perfect little Christians. NO! There are things that I struggle with DAILY.. there are always going to be things that you’re gonna struggle with… But here’s the thing: There is a difference between STRUGGLING with sin and LIVING IN sin.. Struggle at least shows there’s an EFFORT to change. The problem is that many of us are not struggling with sin.. we’re making EXCUSES for it, & when people call it like it is, we tell them to “stop judging us”.. We get mad and defensive.

I say all of this to say… we need to get it together..(myself included). Lets REALLY live this thing. How are we suppose to be a “light” in this dark world when many of us are still living in darkness and don’t even realize it. You may be reading this and feeling convicted. Good. That’s God tugging on your heart. God convicts us, not to make us feel bad but to show us what we need to FIX so that we would be driven to our knees in prayer.. I know for me, I’ve been learning that I can’t change on my own. I’m a hot mess! I can’t do this thing without Him. I fall.. I struggle. I get frustrated but the bottom line is, I am determined to live for Him… There’s nothing good in any of us. We all NEED JESUS…So I encourage you to just keep it real with yourself and most of all God…Tell Him how much you really wanna live for Him and to  help you do that… Confess those things that you’ve been desperately trynna hide. He see’s it all…but He also forgives and is merciful to those who call on Him. He loves you..but do you TRULY love Him and does your lifestyle show it?? Let’s live this thing FORREAL! <3

Love yall! xoxox

The Bad Girl Syndrome..

24 Dec

The Bad Girl SyndromeLets just face it. A lot of us women are bitter. A lot of us have been hurt, mistreated and abused whether it be by family, guys, so called “friends”, or even strangers. Many of us (men and women included) have been through certain life situations, sometimes repeatedly, that cause us to become numb to pain.. So what do we do?? We put up this “bad girl” image. This image  says, “I don’t need anyone” or ‘Eff love”.  This image claims all men are dogs or that being submissive to a man in marriage is WEAKNESS. This image is on social media being ratchet & throwing up the middle finger saying “eff the world” This image is a TOUGH girl on the outside, but a scared insecure little girl on the inside…

We’ve adopted this “tough girl” mentality that says “Im tired of being hurt by men, so instead I’m just gonna act like one” and so we ACT as though we can sleep around and be un-effected by it. We ACT as though, we don’t wanna be married and have a family. We ACT as though, we don’t care about love or life. All of this is a cover up. Continue reading

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