“The Problem”- by Ashton Ross..

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I loved making women do whatever I told them.

Lay down.

Send me a picture of it.

Say my name.

Tell me it’s MINE.

Those things can be intoxicating for a man addicted to sex, masturbation and pornography. In the “movies”, when the man tells the woman to do something she does it, no matter how demeaning or downright disgusting it may be. The female object in a pornographic film seems so overwhelmingly enthralled by the sexual pleasure the male provides her, she subjects herself to his will.

I craved that type of control….. and I got it.

It’s quite saddening to think about the state of masculinity in 2015. In a nutshell, men are primitive species that are completely controlled by sexual pleasure and spends the majority of their existence in search of the next sexual conquest. Manhood has been under attack since the Garden of Eden and the war on masculinity has not ceased.

One of, if not the greatest attacks on manhood though, is the unfair and unrealistic standards of male sexualality promoted by pornography and pop culture. Men are encouraged to chase, conquer, dominate and manipulate women rather than protect and cover them with love honor and respect.

As I continue to navigate and mentally war against the residual effects of a near 20 year addiction to pornography and masturbation, I began to realize how skewed my thinking has been and sometimes still is when it comes to male-female interactions. Pornography creates a man hellbent on receiving sexual gratification at all costs. Whether the tabulations amount to rape, molestation, pedophilia, homosexuality or masturbation, men pay exorbitantly to feed the desire to reach their next climax.

How do they pay?

By becoming public enemy number one. Men are not innately viewed as protectors of themselves, each other or women as God intended, but rather uncouth savages, all with the untapped potential to violently take innocence from innocent children, consent from non-concenting women and integrity from masculinity as a whole.

While doing what I seem to do best and most often (thinking), I pondered the way in which masculinity is paraded around so nastily and I thought, “this should outrage me.” It should outrage me that a woman whom I just met wouldn’t feel comfortable being alone with me because hey, you never know who’s a rapist. It should outrage me that fidelity, one of the basic tenets of an intimate relationship is seen as a great accomplishment if achieved by a man for a lengthy period of time. (Seriously, if a man is faithful to a woman and does not sleep with multiple other women while proclaiming exclusivity with one, people are awestruck with dumb wonderment and taken aback that he could tame his penis in such a way that allowed him to be a regularly decent human being.)

Should that not make me ask, “is the standard THAT incredibly low?”

However, to an ego who’s life source is the control and manipulation of women, standards are relatively non-existent. And when I found myself drowning in that lifestyle, I could not see the utter perversion of the whole ordeal. I was only worried about my next orgasm. That’s all I wanted. That’s all I desired. Let me get to know you enough to get an orgasm out of you. But that’s not all, I want to make YOU orgasm. Orgasm over and over again for me because when you do, it will feed my ego. If I can make you do that, then I will have become my idol, the male pornstar. This gives me a sense of worth. I can make women sacrifice their time, their sanity, their money and their dignity because of the perverse false love I provide them through unwed sex.

So yes…. bend over, get on your knees, take all of me into you and call me daddy because every time you do what I say do, I’m validated. Because I just don’t know. I don’t know myself. I don’t know my own worth. I don’t know that God has called me to live pure, and my purity as a man is the catalyst for a stable and thriving society. I don’t know that tens of years after I encounter you tonight, the spirits we exchanged will still make me deny holiness and keep me bound to a life of pity and self-hate. I don’t know that I will destroy families, marriages, childhoods, friendships and lives in the pursuit of an orgasm. I don’t know that my very destiny in Christ Jesus will be deferred because my life is murky with filth. I don’t know any of that. All I know is that in this moment, I can control you, although I can’t control myself.

It’s not a game. It’s not funny and it’s not cute. Sex addiction and lust demons are draining and…. well… killing us. Our inability to see it is the scary part. We have accepted a putrid existence and mindset as the norm. “Boys will be boys.” “That’s just how men are.” Do you not want better for yourself? Do you not want to be esteemed higher than this? Or are you too comfortable with empty conquests of nothingness to see that you are being slave-driven into a life controlled by a few inches of muscle and tendon.

Men are losing the battle to sexual immorality because we are unaware that we are in a battle. We have been hoodwinked from the time we were old enough to see our first sex scene in a movie into accepting that our purpose in our vigorous youth is to get all the vagina we can get. Try it all out. All different races. All different packages. See what you like. Women are your buffet and you need to eat greedy because someday you’ll find one that you’ll want to keep and when you do, you’ll have all that out of your system. (As if that’s how it works and much less, as if that makes any logical sense whatsoever.)

The question is…. how did it get INTO your system?

That is the problem.

Identity Crisis..

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CONFESSION: Sometimes I feel insecure about being a college dropout. Sometimes I see other people getting “degrees” and “graduating” and kind of wish that that was me. Not because I know that’s what God is calling me to do but because the SOUND of saying “I have a masters” sounds pretty official. Sometimes I compare myself and don’t FEEL as “accomplished”. Just being real.

God had to  reveal this to me.

Jesus was a carpenter but it wasn’t who He WAS, it was simply what He DID. He was still the Son of God. His identity was in His Father, not in His occupation. Being a “carpenter” is not the most prestigious title in the world. Jesus wasn’t a scholar, a lawyer, a doctor, didn’t have a PHD yet He was still the greatest man to ever live. This “carpenter” is still the savior of the  whole world..

Your identity is not in what you do. It is in who you are and WHOSE you are. Some of us are doing stuff, not because God led us to, but because we’re chasing high sounding titles. We’re chasing a certain tax bracket, we’re chasing “dreams” and ideas that God did not give us but that we gave ourselves out of selfish ambition. Do not get your occupation confused with your purpose. Do not allow other people to force what “they” think you should do on you. Yes, your mom thinks you should be a lawyer or a nurse or a doctor and thats cool but what is God telling you to do?

Stop trying to find your identity in a career and not in Christ. Our calling is bigger than a job and it is bigger than just a career.  The truth of the matter is,  whether I have PHD or whether I’m a college dropout, I am still His. Whether I make 100$/ hour or 12$/hour, I am still His. Whether I am a lawyer or a carpenter, I am still His. Whether I write 20 books, or no books, I am still His. Your worth, your identity and your value do not come from the things of this world. If God stripped you of  all of your accomplishments and everything that you’re so proud of, would you still know who you are? If you’re the pastor of a large church, and God took that church away from you, would you still be confident in your identity in Him or would you be lost because your identity was in the title of being a “pastor” of such and such church? If God took away all of your degrees, would you still know who you are, or be lost because your pride was in your Masters degree?

In light of eternity, none of these things are going to matter. The point is this: Always put your hope in God and not anything of this world. Christ died and gave you an identity and that identity is in Him and Him alone. Do not adapt to this world’s way of thinking that you are what you DO. Do what God is leading YOU to do. Don’t try to mimic someone else’s path. Let God lead you every single step of the way.

Ephesians 2:10 For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.

Mathew 16:26 And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul? Is anything worth more than your soul?

Genesis 1:27  So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.

Colossians 3:2 Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.

Love y’all! xox

The Purpose Driven Woman…

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A Brooklyn girl born and raised. Public transportation is how I get around (still need to work on that license though lol) If you take public transportation than you know that, your destination for the day determines what train you need to get on and what stop you need to get off. If I’m going to the city I know to get off at Union Square 14th street. If Im going to work, i get off at Dekalb Avenue. If Im gonna meet up with friends at a restaurant that I ain’t never been to, i google the location before I leave the house so that I know what train or bus i need to get on.. I get on google maps and enter a DESTINATION so that it can show me the path to get there…I’am not about to just be swipin’ my metro card and hoppin’ on any train or bus hoping and praying that it takes me where I need to be. How stupid would that be? Lol

But why do some of us do this with our entire lives. Some of us have been hoppin’ on random trains with no destination and with no purpose in mind. Some of us are just riding trains back and forth all day long and going nowhere fast…

Don’t get business confused with productivity. We can be doing a whole lot, but if what we’re doing is NOT the purpose that was assigned to us by God, than it is pointless. You were created for more than just a 9-5 or a getting some degrees. (Not knocking that at all) You have a God given assignment. If you are a follower of Jesus Christ, Gods word says that He has given you spiritual gifts and talents to use to bless and edify those around you. God didn’t give you those gifts so that you can pay bills and die. He gave you those gifts so that you can DO something with it and invest in His Kingdom.

For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.-Ephesians 2:10

God saved us for a reason. God did not save us so that we can just have bible studies all day and be Instagram famous for posting sweet Jesus quotes online. God wants our entire life to revolve around Him..our relationships to revolve around Him..and our decisions to revolve around Him..

Time is ticking. The devil is working overtime to draw as many people away from God as he could. The world NEEDS the church to BE the church and not just GO to church. The world needs God fearing women who are living out their God given purposes all for His glory and not just having tea time and talking about our “future husbands” all day. It’s time for us to get focused and get to work. Its time to be obedient to whatever God is telling YOU specifically, to do.

Take an evaluation of your life sis.. Why are you doing the things that you do? Is it because God told you or are you just winging it and hoping for the best? Why are you in that relationship? Is it headed towards marriage or is homeboy just stringing you along for the ride? So many of us claim to have been “lost but now found” yet we’re still riding these “trains” with no destination in mind and STILL lost.

I encourage you sis. Don’t just do stuff just to do it. Be a woman of purpose. Be a woman who waits on the Lord and seeks clear direction from Him. Find Gods purpose for your life. USE those gifts.. Even the ones that no one even knows you have because you’re too afraid to display it. You probably would effect so many people in your community alone, if you just opened your mouth and spoke what God’s placed on your heart…

Your obedience or disobedience doesn’t just effect you. It effects those around you. Your gifts aren’t for YOU.. Its for that broken girl who needs to hear your story.. Its for the divorced woman whose hopeless and depressed. Its for that girl whose been molested by a family remember and feels like its normal to be taken advantage of men. Its for that lost prostitute. Its for your unsaved cousin. Its for this broken, hurting, lost world that needs to hear the truth about Jesus….

Be purpose driven. Step out. Souls are waiting..

Love you! Xox

When You Love Jesus And Can’t Stop Struggling With Certain Sin…

secretiveCan we just be real and talk about the struggle. Can we peel our church mask off and just be real?

How can it be that we can truly love Jesus and still be addicted to pornography? How can it be that we can love God, serve Jesus and truly, truly love Him, but still struggle with masturbation even though we know it’s wrong? How can it be that we can truly love God but can’t seem to stop having sex with that person who is not our husband or wife? How is it that we find ourselves asking for forgiveness from God for that certain sin AGAIN and again? How is it that it can seem like “we’re good” but when it comes to certain areas like our sexual purity ( I’m just using sex as an example. Everyone’s stronghold maybe different) there seems to be “that one” bad habit that feels impossible to break?

You can truly love Jesus with all of your heart and STILL struggle. *insert sarcastic gasp here* Continue reading

Jesus Groupies Diaries : A Quick Lesson On Forgiveness..

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My daughter has never meet her biological father. During the time she was conceived, I perceived us to be together. Less than two months pregnant, he asked that I get an abortion. I refused wondering why should I give up my blessing? Well turns out he was already married with two kids. Fast Forward..no contact, a few marriages and baby mamas later on his part, He still has not seen/talked/held his daughter. My daughter is now FIVE. Asking about her father. Why don’t I have what other familes have mommy? I was NOT READY..but she is. Over the past two years, I have kept in contact with him sporadically and I’ve seen that her father has matured, improved, and made some great turnarounds in his life. A few days ago, they finally spoke. Oh the innocence of a child. No soon after the first phone call, she draws “I LOVE MY DADDY!” and places it on the fridge. -funny how a five year old can teach you about FORGIVENESS…..

By Tiarra Walker (tiarra.t.walker@gmail.com)

Mathew 11:25- And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins. “

A Woman’s Weakness: Male Attention…

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Let’s be honest. The FEELING of being WANTED is a great feeling even if it’s by people you’re not really interested in. It gives us a false sense of empowerment and control to know that this “person” is enamored by our beauty and has an attraction towards us and if we’re not getting that “attention”, we’ll go out and seek it. We’ll go and seek that validation through posting “sexy” Facebook pics, chasing down that man, or simply flirting.. Saved or unsaved, we’ve all been there at some point whether we would like to admit it or not. I’ll be the first one to raise my hand and say I have.🙋

“ATTENTION” is alot of women’s weakness. We’ll entertain guys who we KNOW are nowhere near Gods best and who is nothing more than a distraction..

But why is it so hard to let go???

It’s because we LIKE the attention. We like the pursuit. We like the feeling of being wanted. And the reality of it is, you’re USING this person to fill a void. You’re USING this person as a benchwarmer. Some of us know for a FACT that God has us in a season of isolation where He just wants us all to Himself but are trying to hold God’s hand with our left, and a random guy’s hand with our right…

God wants BOTH hands completely open ready to receive all of Him. Let go of your idol of needing “attention”. Dig deep and find out where that NEED is coming from and ask God to heal you. It may stem from daddy issues or may stem from self worth issues. Its AMAZING the things the holy spirit reveals to you once you ask Him to show you your OWN heart. (It wont be pretty but its such an amazing healing process). Some of us don’t know how to be ALONE. You may say that “God is enough” but if God looked through your text conversations with men who you know He told you weren’t “the one” would it show that He indeed is enough? Be real with YOURSELF. What is it that’s really keeping you latched on? Whatever “it” is, lay it down at His feet. Its gonna be hard. Its gonna be uncomfortable but so is growth. It may hurt. It may feel weird at first but NO amount of man given attention can compare to Gods unconditional love…

I’m in a season where I’m praying that I would become BFFS with God. I don’t want to fill any voids with ANYTHING or ANYONE (friends included). I’m ready for growth, for change, for complete dependence on God to make me feel beautiful and loved, not a human.

“For your Creator will be your husband; the LORD of Heaven’s Armies is his name! He is your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel, the God of all the earth.”- Isaiah 54:5

“‘You must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’-Matthew 22:37

“Do not put your trust in princes, in human beings, who cannot save.”-Psalm 146:3

Its a long journey but the destination makes it more than worth the trek of God pruning your heart, breaking you & exposing those deep issues that you never knew existed. Take the journey. ❤️

Love yall! Xo

If You Never Hear The Words “Will You Marry Me?”

What if You Never Hear Those Words

What if you never hear the words “will you marry me”. What if God came down tonight and told you that a husband and being a wife was not something He had in store for you but something greater.

Would you quit serving Him? Would your prayer life come to an end? Would you jump off a bridge? Would you still go to church? Would you still seek Gods face?

Yes, I know I’m being “extra” but the truth is God doesn’t owe us a man and some of us are basing our entire existence around this ONE moment…When Mr. Right will get down on his knee, ask us to be his wife and whisk us off into the sunset to live happily ever after. We start off our statements with “when I meet my husband” as though life suddenly starts when we have a ring on our finger.

If its one thing God did in me this past year is pop my little fairytale, Disney land bubble. The bubble of perfection and fantasy that most of us women have when it comes to what marriage TRULY is about. What the Hollywood movies don’t show is the arguments, the flaws, the tears, the brokenness, the two people both having jacked up pasts and having to undo ALL of the garbage they’ve picked up along the way… and they DEFINITELY don’t show Jesus HAVING to be at the center of it.

I think we kind of adopted that “fairytale” idea of thinking and just put a Christianized twist to it. Instead of calling him “prince charming” we call him “Boaz”. Instead of calling our selves a princess we call ourselves “Ruth”. But the reality is Boaz was a mere man. He was not JESUS. He was not perfect. He had flaws, and I’m sure he had issues, just like every other great man mentioned in the bible.

We cannot put our life on hold for a ring because in all honesty, it may not happen. I know that is not the most popular thing to say but that is the REALITY. We can “declare and decree” all day long that this is our year to get married but ultimately our love lives are in God’s hand and I honestly believe with all my heart that His desire is for us to be so enamored and SO in love with Him that marriage would be the icing on our cake and not what we’re waiting on to complete us.

Francis Chan is probably one of my FAVORITE preachers and authors (Please read Crazy Love, it’ll change ya life!) because he focuses on loving God and our lives being a reflection of that. His sermons are really what helped me to start thinking about eternity and the fact that I have work to do here on this earth and I can’t afford to just sit here and waste time focused on anything that is temporary. The reality is, I can DIE tomorrow. (I know someone is reading that and saying “why would you say that” lol) but it’s the truth. That is the hardcore truth. I can die tomorrow as a SINGLE woman. How would I have wanted to spend my last days on earth? Using my gifts to bless other women or complaining about my relationship status? I get caught up sometimes, not gonna even lie, but when I start to think about that question, it quickly snaps me back to reality.

The bottom line is this. We cannot afford to waste anymore time moping around and complaining. Like, are we not aware of how more and more ratchet this world is getting? How crazy and evil these times are? Who else is gonna be the “light” in this world but US, His sons and daughters? How can we be the light and be purpose driven if our ONLY purpose is making down the altar. Heaven is the finish line, not the altar. Let’s stay focused. Lets use our gifts and talents to serve Him wholeheartedly. If you’re single, take FULL advantage of this time to just sit at His feet. Learn how to be alone with just Him. Enjoy life. Smile. Laugh. Enjoy life. Serve like crazy. Love on people like crazy. Give like crazy. CHOOSE to live life to the fullest for His glory with or without a ring.

Love Ya’ll! xox
Scripture References:

Since you have been raised to new life with Christ, set your sights on the realities of heaven, where Christ sits in the place of honor at God’s right hand.- Colossians 3:2

“You must not have any other god but me.”- Exodus 20:3

“Love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.”- Mathew 22:37
P.S – Marriage is a GIFT from God that He created for His glory. It’s just that we need to make sure that we’re always worshipping the creator and not His creation. If you’re at the place where you KNOW you’ve been making marriage an idol, confess it to God. Be real with Him, and ask Him to help you to be consumed by Him and not marriage. It’s a process. Don’t beat yourself up. xox

A Kings Love Convos: The Inner Woman…

 

Hey beautiful ladies! Check out this episode of “A Kings Love Convos” entitled “The Inner Woman”. So many times we focus on “rules” and the “outside appearance” of LOOKING holy but not really focusing on our hearts being transformed into the image of Christ. Not wearing makeup, or wearing skirts is not what makes us right with God, a heart renewed by His spirit is what makes us right with Him. Take a look and don’t forget to subscribe. Love ya’ll! xoxox

The Distracted LifeGuard..

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Imagine you’re on the beach chillin’ & soaking up the sun. Over in the ocean, you realize there are people who need help. Somehow the tidal waves got a little crazy and people were drowning. You panic and you look for a lifeguard. The lifeguard see’s whats going on, but he’s on his phone scrolling through Facebook. He’s on Youtube and Instagram not really paying attention and on his job.

You’re astonished. Angry. Confused. “Are you serious? You’re just sitting there meanwhile people are drowning and fighting for their life and you’re main concern is how many people “liked your picture”? Dude. Really? ” Part of you wants to smack him but the other part of you is just too worried about those people who are crying out for help. Every second counts at this point.. Its literally life or death. These people are about to drown…

And they do.

After 10minutes of people going crazy & fighting to stay afloat, the waves end up being too strong and too powerful. They’re gone. They’ve drowned.

So many of us are that distracted lifeguard. We have the lifelines which is Jesus and prayer. We have the tools & the resources to help save people. But we’re TOO distracted by “life” to even care. (Goodness, this post is convicting me). Ask yourself this question and BE honest: How much time do you spend praying for OTHER people to get saved compared to the time you spend on social media? How much time do you spend praying for OTHER people and caring for their soul, even your own family?

There are people drowning in sin. Drowning in depression, self hatred, suicide, hopelessness, brokenness and fear but we’re too content with just going to church on Sunday and fulfilling our quota for the week. This is not to criticize or judge anyone (I have been so guilty of this myself) but its to really make us evaluate what in the world we are doing.

Like that lifeguard sitting in a chair on his iPad, we too are distracted by meaningless things while people are literally dying. We’re too focused on “finding our Adam”, or “chasing paper” or chasing success. For some of us, those people who are drowning are our family members. Whens the last time we really sat there and prayed for “those” family members who drive us up the wall and who we can’t stand?

When people are drowning, every single second counts. A lifeguard can’t afford to be distracted. You sis, are many people’s lifeguard. There are people who God specifically & strategically placed in your life whose salvation maybe connected to YOUR prayer life. Your obedience and your focus is not only about you, its about the people AROUND you. You may be the ONLY person in someone’s life that even believes in the power of prayer. You maybe the ONLY person that your boss knows that would ever think to pray for him (no matter how much of jerk YOU may think he is).

No shade and not being critical but we all really need to step it up. This world is getting darker and more twisted by the second. People are dying. People are drowning. The power of Jesus is the ONLY hope. We have that power in us. Lets use it. Log off Facebook. Stop worrying about your “Adam”. Get on your knees and pray like people’s lives depended on it because the truth is….

It does.

Pray. love. Give. Serve. Tell the world about who He is. He is our only hope.

Love yall! Xox