In late August I went on a retreat upstate with the young adults group from my church. As soon as I got off the bus I had a HUGE smile on my face! I was going to be in nature, surrounded by people my age, do fun actives, make new friends and worship like crazy! I had a “yeah let’s do this” kind of attitude!!! (woo hoo!) Fun Fun Fun…..
Then for some reason, out of nowhere, I started feeling discontent and shaken. I wasn’t as confident nor as excited as I had been.
Service began, the band started playing and I hit a wall. My heart felt so hard. I was singing but the words were empty. I felt everyone around me raising their hands, singing with passion. Yet I stood still, hands down, lips still. I closed my eyes and cried out to God “Hello, don’t you see me? I’m here in the middle of nowhere, smack dab in the middle of these woods, searching for you! Why do I feel so far from you?” Frustrated, I stood there motionless. Fortunately, I waited long enough to hear God say “Darling, let go.” I knew exactly what he meant. Deep in my heart I was holding on to something that I didn’t want to let go of. I was living a life of disobedience of as I would like to call it… FAUXBEDIENCE. I was reading the Bible, praying, having conversation with God but I had hit a wall….
Having a relationship with Christ isn’t about going through the motions. It’s about being open WITH your emotions. God wanted me to dig deeper…Reading the Bible and going to church wasn’t all God wanted from me. He wanted me to stop ignoring his voice and OBEY. (James 1:22 But don’t just listen to God’s word. You must do what it says. Otherwise you are only fooling yourselves)
You can’t score a touchdown without running the field. I wanted to move on to the future without dealing with my past and dealing with what God was telling me to DO in the present.
By this time, the pastor had asked us to high five our neighbor and I had burst into tears of breakthrough! I had reached true surrender. I saw what life would be like if I kept holding on to that issue, and I didn’t like it! I went to bed that night excited to obey. I didn’t know what that meant at the time and it didn’t matter. All God wanted was my willingness to follow his lead and trust that there was something better on the other side. I loosened my grip, found strength and confronted the situation. I know my heavenly father was so proud of me because I was proud of myself….
Every season will bring new obstacles but I pray this story leaves you with a fresh desire to be obedient to WHATEVER God may be telling you to do.. Only YOU know what that is.. My story is still being written but I know I want to live it with two hands wide open, lifted to the sky. Good bye fauxbedience, center stage is obedience… I challenge you to do the same 🙂
Love, Amy Rigdon xox