A Jesus Groupie Diaries: Fake Obedience…

Amy Rigdon

In late August I went on a retreat upstate with the young adults group from my church. As soon as I got off the bus I had a HUGE smile on my face! I was going to be in nature, surrounded by people my age, do fun actives, make new friends and worship like crazy! I had a “yeah let’s do this” kind of attitude!!! (woo hoo!) Fun Fun Fun…..

Then for some reason,  out of nowhere, I started feeling discontent and shaken. I wasn’t as confident nor as excited as I had been.

Service began, the band started playing and I hit a wall. My heart felt so hard. I was singing but the words were empty. I felt everyone around me raising their hands, singing with passion. Yet I stood still, hands down, lips still. I closed my eyes and cried out to God “Hello, don’t you see me? I’m here in the middle of nowhere, smack dab in the middle of these woods, searching for you! Why do I feel so far from you?” Frustrated, I stood there motionless. Fortunately, I waited long enough to hear God say “Darling, let go.” I knew exactly what he meant. Deep in my heart I was holding on to something that I didn’t want to let go of. I was living a life of disobedience of as I would like to call it… FAUXBEDIENCE. I was reading the Bible, praying, having conversation with God but I had hit a wall…. 

Having a relationship with Christ isn’t about going through the motions. It’s about being open WITH your emotions. God wanted me to dig deeper…Reading the Bible and going to church wasn’t all God wanted from me. He wanted me to stop ignoring his voice and OBEY. (James 1:22 But don’t just listen to God’s word. You must do what it says. Otherwise you are only fooling yourselves)

You can’t score a touchdown without running the field. I wanted to move on to the future without dealing with my past and dealing with what God was telling me to DO in the present.

By this time, the pastor had asked us to high five our neighbor and I had burst into tears of breakthrough! I had reached true surrender. I saw what life would be like if I kept holding on to that issue, and I didn’t like it! I went to bed that night excited to obey. I didn’t know what that meant at the time and it didn’t matter. All God wanted was my willingness to follow his lead and trust that there was something better on the other side. I loosened my grip, found strength and confronted the situation. I know my heavenly father was so proud of me because I was proud of myself….

Every season will bring new obstacles but I pray this story leaves you with a fresh desire to be obedient to WHATEVER God may be telling you to do.. Only YOU know what that is.. My story is still being written but I know I want to live it with two hands wide open, lifted to the sky. Good bye fauxbedience, center stage is obedience… I challenge you to do the same 🙂

Love, Amy Rigdon xox

Advertisements

When The Honeymoon Phase Is Over…

Honeymon

 

The beginning of a new relationship is sweet, exciting, and passionate to say the least. You can’t keep your mouth shut about how BOMB your new man/woman is. You can’t stop thinking about them. EVERY little thing they do is just so “cute” to you. You re-read their text messages over and over like it’s the greatest poem you’ve ever read. Your heart skips a beat when they walk into a room. The thought of you guys NOT living happily ever after is ABSURD and just down right ridiculous. You’re committed and FEEL like you want to spend of your life with this person…awww (how sweet and romantic..)

And than the honeymoon ends and reality sets in….

Real life happens and you realize that things aren’t as easy as you anticipated. The initial “high” you had has worn off and you’re no longer on cloud 9. Your feet are now on the ground and you learn that great relationships don’t just “happen” but that they take hard work, love and a kind of commitment that surpasses mushy, lovey, dovey, emotions. You learn that it”s about sticking it out regardless of how you FEEL. You learn that there are days when you FEEL madly in love with him/her and then there are days where you question whether or not you made a mistake by even entering a relationship with them…

I remember feeling that way about God when I first got saved about 3 years ago. ALL I wanted to do was learn more and more about Him and who He was. I was jobless, friendless, and manless and had all the time in the world yet I was SO joyful because I got to spend all this time with my new found love. I would literally spend HOURS listening to sermons back to back because I wanted to learn as much as I possibly could. I remember waking up feeling anxious and excited to read the bible (its amazing how God will change your desires). I was on fire and my heart was all His. I was at a place where I was so in love with Him that I would be willing to do WHATEVER He said. If He would of told me to pack my bags and move to Zimbabwe, I would of done it, no questions asked…

3 years later I’m still madly in love with God but I would be lying if I said that that love FEELS the same as when I first got saved. I would often pray and beg God to get me back to that place again where I was wide-eyed and bushy tailed and wanting to go wherever He lead Me..

LOVE surpasses the honeymoon phase when everything is exciting and your FEELINGS for the object of your affection is on level 10. As with a relationship with a guy/girl, our relationship with God often starts out in the “honeymoon” phase until we begin to get comfortable. WE stop pursuing Him like we once did. We get complacent with just reading the bible on Sundays and hearing a 20 minute sermon. We no longer pray and talk to God everyday like we did in the beginning. Instead of being bold and on fire, we allow our fire to dwindle down and become lukewarm Christians who just go through the motions.

If I can be real, I personally am at a place where God is teaching me the true definition of commitment. He’s teaching me how to push past how I FEEL and pursue Him regardless. Honestly, sometimes I don’t feel like praying. Sometimes I don’t feel like reading my bible. Sometimes, I don’t FEEL like going to church. Sometimes I don’t feel like going around and telling people my testimony and the power of Jesus. Sometimes I don’t FEEL like blogging. Sometime I don’t FEEL like being pure.. But the bottom line is this Mathew 16:24- “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.” That means that my FEELINGS and what I “felt” like doing, were no longer relevant the day I decided to follow Jesus. It means that through Gods GRACE, I am now submitted to His will..It’s no longer about (insert your name here)…Its about HIM..

You maybe in a season right now where you feel like your relationship with God is DRY. You know scripture, you know how to pray and you know church yet you don’t FEEL the presence of God like you once did. You feel as if your prayers are hitting the ceilings and nothing is moving or changing. Sorry but I don’t have a deep motivational message that’s gonna all of a sudden make you FEEL the presence of God but I will say this…

Your love relationship with God should go PAST a good feeling. Love is self denial. It’s commitment. It’s discipline. It’s doing what you don’t FEEL like doing. It’s holding on even when it feels like your holding on to thin air. It’s worshipping God even when you FEEL like He isn’t listening and is sending your prayers to His spambox. It’s giving even when you’re broke and fearful about how you’re going to pay your rent. Love isn’t a “good feeling”. It’s a deep, supernatural sacrificial action word that surpasses tingly emotions. So I encourage you to keep seeking. Keep reading. Keep pursuing God…even when you don’t FEEL like it. Yes, the honeymoon phase may be over but all that means is that it’s time to grow into a deeper relationship with our amazing God….a relationship that surpasses those sweet, tingly feelings that you once had ❤

Love yall! xox