“The Problem”- by Ashton Ross..


I loved making women do whatever I told them.

Lay down.

Send me a picture of it.

Say my name.

Tell me it’s MINE.

Those things can be intoxicating for a man addicted to sex, masturbation and pornography. In the “movies”, when the man tells the woman to do something she does it, no matter how demeaning or downright disgusting it may be. The female object in a pornographic film seems so overwhelmingly enthralled by the sexual pleasure the male provides her, she subjects herself to his will.

I craved that type of control….. and I got it.

It’s quite saddening to think about the state of masculinity in 2015. In a nutshell, men are primitive species that are completely controlled by sexual pleasure and spends the majority of their existence in search of the next sexual conquest. Manhood has been under attack since the Garden of Eden and the war on masculinity has not ceased.

One of, if not the greatest attacks on manhood though, is the unfair and unrealistic standards of male sexualality promoted by pornography and pop culture. Men are encouraged to chase, conquer, dominate and manipulate women rather than protect and cover them with love honor and respect.

As I continue to navigate and mentally war against the residual effects of a near 20 year addiction to pornography and masturbation, I began to realize how skewed my thinking has been and sometimes still is when it comes to male-female interactions. Pornography creates a man hellbent on receiving sexual gratification at all costs. Whether the tabulations amount to rape, molestation, pedophilia, homosexuality or masturbation, men pay exorbitantly to feed the desire to reach their next climax.

How do they pay?

By becoming public enemy number one. Men are not innately viewed as protectors of themselves, each other or women as God intended, but rather uncouth savages, all with the untapped potential to violently take innocence from innocent children, consent from non-concenting women and integrity from masculinity as a whole.

While doing what I seem to do best and most often (thinking), I pondered the way in which masculinity is paraded around so nastily and I thought, “this should outrage me.” It should outrage me that a woman whom I just met wouldn’t feel comfortable being alone with me because hey, you never know who’s a rapist. It should outrage me that fidelity, one of the basic tenets of an intimate relationship is seen as a great accomplishment if achieved by a man for a lengthy period of time. (Seriously, if a man is faithful to a woman and does not sleep with multiple other women while proclaiming exclusivity with one, people are awestruck with dumb wonderment and taken aback that he could tame his penis in such a way that allowed him to be a regularly decent human being.)

Should that not make me ask, “is the standard THAT incredibly low?”

However, to an ego who’s life source is the control and manipulation of women, standards are relatively non-existent. And when I found myself drowning in that lifestyle, I could not see the utter perversion of the whole ordeal. I was only worried about my next orgasm. That’s all I wanted. That’s all I desired. Let me get to know you enough to get an orgasm out of you. But that’s not all, I want to make YOU orgasm. Orgasm over and over again for me because when you do, it will feed my ego. If I can make you do that, then I will have become my idol, the male pornstar. This gives me a sense of worth. I can make women sacrifice their time, their sanity, their money and their dignity because of the perverse false love I provide them through unwed sex.

So yes…. bend over, get on your knees, take all of me into you and call me daddy because every time you do what I say do, I’m validated. Because I just don’t know. I don’t know myself. I don’t know my own worth. I don’t know that God has called me to live pure, and my purity as a man is the catalyst for a stable and thriving society. I don’t know that tens of years after I encounter you tonight, the spirits we exchanged will still make me deny holiness and keep me bound to a life of pity and self-hate. I don’t know that I will destroy families, marriages, childhoods, friendships and lives in the pursuit of an orgasm. I don’t know that my very destiny in Christ Jesus will be deferred because my life is murky with filth. I don’t know any of that. All I know is that in this moment, I can control you, although I can’t control myself.

It’s not a game. It’s not funny and it’s not cute. Sex addiction and lust demons are draining and…. well… killing us. Our inability to see it is the scary part. We have accepted a putrid existence and mindset as the norm. “Boys will be boys.” “That’s just how men are.” Do you not want better for yourself? Do you not want to be esteemed higher than this? Or are you too comfortable with empty conquests of nothingness to see that you are being slave-driven into a life controlled by a few inches of muscle and tendon.

Men are losing the battle to sexual immorality because we are unaware that we are in a battle. We have been hoodwinked from the time we were old enough to see our first sex scene in a movie into accepting that our purpose in our vigorous youth is to get all the vagina we can get. Try it all out. All different races. All different packages. See what you like. Women are your buffet and you need to eat greedy because someday you’ll find one that you’ll want to keep and when you do, you’ll have all that out of your system. (As if that’s how it works and much less, as if that makes any logical sense whatsoever.)

The question is…. how did it get INTO your system?

That is the problem.